Due Date based on conception was March 30. Due Date based on cycle was April 2. We told everyone he was due April 1. The last few weeks of pregnancy were really tough emotionally. Not being able to sleep and Patten sitting at 0 station was really wearing me down. I had several day of false labor. These produced some cervical change but contractions would always stop. As his due date approached and then passed I began to doubt that I was ever going to go in to labor on my own. On April 4th I had another appointment with the nurse midwife. Since I was approaching 41 weeks, if you go off the March 30th date, she did a stress test to make sure that Patten was still doing well. Patten was doing awesome! Patten was really low, cervix was soft and I was dilated 4-5 centimeters. The nurse midwife said that she would break my water if I wanted to come in later that afternoon. But she would really like me to come in by Friday and the latest Monday or Tuesday of the next week. I left at noon feeling uncertain of what to do. I really had hoped that I would be able to birth Patten at home with Richelle (the same midwife that delivered Kayla). I felt so safe with her and supported. I had also been really preparing mental for Patten's birth and felt that delivering at the hospital would produce too many insecurities and make the birth not as successful. However, Don and I both felt I would mentally crack if I was pregnant much longer. At home I talked with Don, Richelle, and my mother about the visit with the nurse midwife. I also talked with them about the feeling of inadequacy to care for Patten as well as the other 5 children I already had.
These insecurities must have been what was holding me back. At 2pm I started having contractions 3-8 min apart and 20-60 seconds. Not too regular. Nothing different than the false labor I had had in the past. I kept moving. I folded laundry, wiped the floor, walked, and made dinner. About 6pm I decided I needed to rest. Regardless if contractions stopped, I was tired. I started timing things again. Contractions were now 3-5min apart and 40-60seconds long. This was a little more regular. At 7pm I called my mom to tell her to come up. Then I called Richelle to report what was up. We just kept going like nothing was happening. We had FHE, during which Amy (Richelle's assistant) arrived. She checked on me, Patten, and then started to set up things for birth. At this point we told the children that Patten would come before they woke up.
It took a while for the kids to go to sleep after that. I sat in with Kayla while she feel asleep. As I was keeling over her blue chair contractions were consistent but not painful at all. At 9pm she was asleep and the midwives checked to see where we were starting from. I was at 6cm and 80% effaced. Cervix was still somewhat posterior. Patten was still doing great too. After they left the room I was able to concentrate on giving birth to our little guy. I do this every time. When things are busy or I feel like things are left undone labor stalls. But as soon as I can refocus on birthing then things move quickly. I walked some and had Don attach a rope around the closet door so I could hold on to the rope and sit-squat into contractions which helped with any discomfort I was feeling in my back. At 9:20 I was feeling tired and ready to relax so I drew a bath. Around 10pm the midwives came back in to check on baby. All was well. Things shortly after started being uncomfortable so I had Don come and do counter pressure on my lower back. I would massage my belly and apply pressure to the sides of the belly. Each wave started to produce pain, but I would simply tell myself, You are in control. Control the pain. I also would repeat positive affirmations to myself, This birth is in God's hands and Surf Pam, Surf! Which comes from the statement, "You can't stop the wave, but you can learn to surf." Breathing became really important and as things got closer I would forget to breath. Don helped me remember to breath. I could sense that we would meet Patten soon so I decided to get out of the bath and try and make my way to the bed. I was too late however. The waves were too strong for me to move between. So I knelt next to the tub and Don continued to do counter pressure. I focused on breathing. My mind slightly panicked but I could gain control again. The moments right before I push are very painful for me as my body takes over and I feel that there is not much I can do to control the pain. At 10:50 I started to push or breath him down and out. I found that if I held baby in slightly the pain was not as bad. This might have been why I tore a little. But the tare could have also been from his shoulders. I felt them catch slightly. I did decided to give a few pushes and not just breath. I didn't do just one push, Patten took I believe 3 or 4. I had to push his whole body out, not just the head like in previous births. My water broke on its own (first time it has done this) at 10:55 and at 10:58pm Edwin Patten Hughes was born. I held him right away and we moved to the bed quickly as my bleeding was a little more than Richelle would have liked. Richelle also saw my cervix at the birth. My pelvic floor must be tired. I held Patten and was so thankful that he had finally arrived.
There is such a closeness to God during birth. It really is amazing and hard to explain. During the home visit with Richelle at 36 weeks she suggested that I visualize God handing me this new baby and focus on the fact that this birth is in God's hands. The whole pregnancy I had been having struggles with being pregnant in the first place. Then I didn't love the nurse midwife I was seeing. I just felt her visits and care were too mainstreamed. I wasn't getting what I need for this pregnancy from her. I decided to call Richelle to see if she had any midwifes up here that would deliver for me. When she said that she would travel I was so happy. I trust her and her judgment. I really value her willingness to talk through concerns. So when she gave me this thought I really ran with it. I put my trust in my Heavenly Father to give me the gift of discernment through the Spirit. Trusting him that I would know what to do to bring this baby into the world safely. I know that many have reservations about a home birth and I take these concerns they have to heart. But as birth grew closer I knew that God would direct me and all involved as to what was best for this baby. I felt God's love and presence throughout the days events and am grateful for his guidance to all those involved.
I drew the picture below as a visual representation of what I wanted to focus on.
1 comment:
Pam, you just made me cry! I love your thought about the birth being in God's hands, and your picture is amazing! Please let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.
Kelly Rasmussen
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