31+ Weeks Pregnant

This pregnancy I have physically felt wonderful.  But I think I might be among the 10% of women that get depression while pregnant.  Granted it is most likely situational.  It has taken all of my emotional strength to be able to live in a house that isn't mine and have no idea what is next in life for us.  I think the true breaking point came a few months ago when Don didn't fill out the paperwork correctly for the manager job at his station.  He really might have gotten it if he would have done it correctly. Since then it has been a daily fight to just get up and function.
I find strength in the usual places.  Reading my scriptures, prayer, talking with Don about it.  But he can only take so much and the sadness just lingers.
I know the Lord has a plan for us, I just really struggle with what it is.  The house in Texas hasn't sold still and Don has had to work extra hours to be able to take care of two houses.  I don't think the house is going to sell. So here we are stuck, trying to figure out how to make the next move in life. Trying to plan for a baby is nearly impossible without knowing what is next in life.  I want to get things ready for her to come, but why? We are just going to move in the few weeks after she is born.  The cleaning of this house is constant and never done.  Spring is coming and that means tons of yard work, for a 9 month pregnant lady.  Don is never here, so he really can't help much. 
We have accepted help with $$ and I just hate that. I realize we make scarifies because of the kids we have and the job that Don chose.  But he works so hard and so do I to do our best to be righteous. We follow the guidance of the spirit.  Isn't that what it is about?  Many have said why doesn't he get a better job.  Honestly with the economy i don't think school or switching jobs is smart.  Switching jobs just isn't it, I know it. I feel at times I have no support from anyone but Don and that is VERY hard.
All this means I am just not doing good.  Every morning I lay in bed fighting with myself to get up.  I finally do but all day long I hold down tears and they often explode in the form of frustration.  I have faith that I won't have more than I can handle, but I reached my breaking point a long time ago and it doesn't seem that relief is near in sight.  So what do I do? I am doing what I can with what I have and hope that the Lord will fill in where my imperfections come bleeding through.

Kid Sayings

So this last week we had a shooting in Santaquin.  The shooter was at large and later caught in Nephi.  When I told the boys Eldon responded, "The Nephites caught the bad guy?"  I told him no he was caught in the city of Nephi.  To which he went running away shouting, "Nephi caught the bad guys!"  A little confused but it made the sad day have a little humor.

While sitting at the table eating Landon was being extremely crazy.  I often ask the boys when they are really silly, "Where did you come from?" and the response is usually, "From heaven."  Answered with the attitude of that is a really dumb questions, we all know the answer.  But today it was answered by Jaron for Landon with, "From heaven. But probably the crazy side."  Really made me laugh.

January 2014

This month was the start of Jr. Jazz for Jaron.  He loves sports and loves learning the skills to play them.  He takes it very seriously and goes outside to practice his shot sometimes. 

We had SEP’s with the boys’ teachers and they are both doing really great.  Bryson is very creative and artistic, while Jaron is more into the social studies and math.  But they both are where they should be for all subjects.  I didn’t feel that they were doing enough writing.  Bryson is just starting to write sentences in class.  So we have started journal prompts at home.  Bryson really likes it and is quickly progressing in his writing skills.

I started doing “school” three days a week with all the kids that are here in the morning.  If I have a set aside time for learning then I am more likely to do it.  So we have snack at 10 then do learning.  This is mainly for Eldon and he is doing well.

The highlight of Bryson’s month was being the Ute’s honorary ball boy.  What an opportunity that was for him . . . and Don.  We went to Training Table before the game because Aunt Cathy always did that with Don.  The boys really loved it.  Bryson was so nervous to go down on the floor but he warmed up to the idea after a while and did a great job.  I would also like to report at the game Jaron met Swoop and is now saying he is a Ute fan not a BYU fan. 

A few months back when my brother Scott was here the boys asked him to take them ice fishing.  Scott said that he would when the weather was right.  We finally were able to find a day that Uncle Scott could take them ice fishing. Don had to work so the boys and I went fishing. Jaron was the first catch of the day.  After about an hour the kids lost interest in the fishing.  Eldon would come back after his breaks to help us watch the poles.  We would have lost a pole if Eldon hadn’t told us we had a bite. The boys loved playing on the ice and climbing the mountain just off shore.  They also enjoyed watching the fish “dance” on the ice. We got a lot of laughs from the dancing fish. None of the boys would ever touch the fish..  Scott cut up the fish and gave them to us, but I had my fist experience cutting the bones from the fish and skinning them, with no one here to help.  I finally called Tyson to come up and show me how to do it.  I think next time I will be better at it.

We also had fun being a part of Carlie getting her call and going to the Zoo one last time before passes expire.

The 27^th Eldon had an appointment with the urologist.  Eldon’s opening of his pee-pee is a little small and needed to be cut open a little. With Jaron we had to go to the hospital and put him to sleep to do the procedure.  But the physician’s assistant said that it was a simple procedure and they do it in office.  1 in 10 patients feel the procedure after numbing.  Eldon happened to be one of these.  It was so sad and I wasn’t really informed that he would be in that much pain before they started. They told me when they cut him and he screamed that the numbing stuff doesn’t always work.  Awesome!  So we have a very brave little boy in our house and caring for it is not lots of fun for Eldon either.

We are doing the repairs on the home this month and are still waiting to hear that they are completed. We have had some interested buyers but no contracts.

Don learned that it takes about 6 interviews before you get hired so we have started applying for jobs.  We will let you know if he gets an interview to any of them.

Baby girl is still growing strong.  I am tired but no other complaints.  My body is strong but I think this mornings run will be my last.  The weight of baby is getting to be too much on my ligaments.