Marriage Advice

June 19, 2013

 I know this might be odd, but I have been thinking about what advice I would give my children when they get married. So here is what I have come up with so far.

Never forget God is part of your marriage.  It is like a triangle with him at the top and you and your spouse in the bottom two corners.  Communication must exist in all directions. The closer you are to God the more empowered you will be in your relationships. Successful couples are united in truth and gospel living while at the same time patient with imperfections.  Each marriage is so different.  Only Heavenly Father has the love and understanding you will need. Only He can help you see these things clearly and inspire you to do things you might never think of yourselves to improve the quality of your marriage. To make sure he is a part of your marriage:

Attend the temple regularly together.

Study the gospel together.

Pray together.

Your spouse is your number one.  The relationship you have with them is the single most important relationship that you will EVER have. The relationship you have can last beyond the veil and into eternity.  Let this motivate you to work on the relationship. Don’t let your priorities get out of whack. Regular self evaluation is often needed to make sure they aren’t.

Be each others best friends.

Go on a date once a week.

Be your spouse’s best cheerleader.

Support them in their dreams, callings, and trials. Be there for better or for worse!

Learn to show love the way that your spouse feels loved. I recommend reading The 5 Love Languages.  It gives great insight into the way people feel loved and how to express that love to them.

Communicate. But remember not all things need to be said. Your words can hurt them, so be careful. When you are angry figure out why and make sure it isn’t for a selfish reason. Never speak out of anger. You should be loving while communicating. Contention is of the devil. Use statements that begin with “I feel” not “You.” Feelings should be expressed and how your spouse feels isn’t wrong. Sometimes they need to talk it through to figure out how to move past negative feelings.

The most effective way to communicate is found in Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, which is “seek first to understand, and then be understood.”  People are so much more willing to listen when they know that they have been heard.

Realize that differences are differences.  Differences don’t mean that one is right and the other is wrong. You just see things differently. Accept that there might be more than one answer. I know you will think your way is better, and it might be, but is it really eternally important? If it is don’t give up your beliefs, but you can’t force your spouse to see it your way. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be married or do I want to be right?” Respect your spouse’s opinion.

Uncle Tyson has shared with me something that his stake president counseled him and Karlee when they got married and it was, “If you argue, ALWAYS be the first one to apologize.”

Never withhold love. Sometimes you will feel like they don’t deserve it, but they always do.  Everyone deserves to be loved. 

No one is perfect. Learn to forgive AND forget. Loving your spouse and loving what they do are separate matters.  Learn to help each other heal.

YOU can not change your spouse. Remember only Christ is perfect. Most people see their flaws, they don’t need a reminder. You should stick to working on your own dirty window. With that said you can be a source of encouragement to your spouse on their journey to change for the better. Often we marry our opposites.  Your spouse will have strengths and weaknesses that you do not. Through open and loving communications you can work together to change to be better people.

One day you will come off cloud nine and you need to realize the following things. Love is an action word. Love and charity are the same. Love is a choice. Falling out of love is a choice.  Love your spouse like God loves them. Nothing is wrong with your marriage when you no longer are infatuated with each other. This is an important stage of marriage but through time it will turn into something more deep and meaningful.  There is great joy to be had in marriage and it grows as time passes. 

Marriage is hard, but anything worth having is hard.  Marriage is also one of the most wonderful gifts God has given us. “Marriage is a gift from God; a happy marriage is our gift to him.” Never give up on your happily ever after.

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No Training Wheels

So I finally took Jaron's training wheels off and he is a pro.  It took one time of me helping him for him to have it down.  Kind of late I know, but it was such a good experience since he was fully ready.

Over the Hills and Through the Woods

The first week of June Don has off so we went to visit my parents in Redding California.  The boys had a blast spending time with their grandparents. Our events included a visit to Turtle Bay, walking Sundial Bridge, swimming in Whiskytown Lake, a picnic, a fabulous park, visiting the institute, eating out, and the highlight for them all swimming!

It was really wonderful to see them and see the area in which they are serving.

Where are the Lego men?

Landon. Need I say more?  Death to the legos!

Nothing is as Constant as Change

That's right, nothing is as constant as change.  This is something that I remember President Monson saying a few conferences ago and I have to be honest, change is hard.  But then life is meant to be hard.  We are here to grow and become something that God intended for us to become.  And that something is often not what we had in mind.  And a lot of the times becoming something great hurts a little.  We don’t see in ourselves what he sees.  He sees such great potential and if we allow him to, he will help us achieve our potential.

In May we got to attend Brittnee’s and Carlie’s graduations.  As I saw them moving on in their lives I got to see what Heavenly Father must see. They are both such wonderful women!! Those girls both will/can do amazing things with their lives. It made me remember that life is short and sweet so to make the most if it.  Don’t waste time wishing you were somewhere else, somebody else, dreaming of a different life; BECOME what you know you should be.  If you don’t know what you should be . . . ask.

Building, School Program, & Mother's Day

Landon is at that stage of life where he does the cutes things.  He was helping his dad outside with the chicken coop and put on Don’s work gloves.  Don was also mowing the lawn and the three older boys went out to watch. So Landon put on the only shoes he knows how and his “work gloves” which are snow gloves and a hat. He looked so cute.

Landon and Eldon try to exercise like me.  It is really funny to watch.

Jaron’s end of year school program was on May 9^th.  He was so excited to have his Gram and Great Grandparent’s there.  He did a wonderful job.  He knew all the songs and action.  He seemed to really enjoy himself too.

This one makes me laugh.  Look Asher and Eldon.

Mother’s day weekend I am still recovering from.  I really enjoyed spending time with Don’s family but they all sure wore me out.  It started with making a cake for my niece Courtney.  I love making flowers and cute pink cakes so I was super excited to make one for her. I dropped that off on my way up to the zoo to meet Aaron, Marilyn, Asher, Cathy, and Lisa.  It was a warm day, but the boys really did well and always enjoy a trip to the zoo. Don’s brother Aaron and his wife Marilyn and son Asher were with us for a night.  It was fun to hang out with them.  Don’s sister Stacey also came down to spend the night with us.

Sunday morning Don made waffles, eggs, and bacon for all of us.  He was rather proud of himself.  It did taste wonderful.

Our church’s floors were refinished during the week and hadn’t aired out yet so we were told to just attend sacrament meeting.  I went with Don’s brother Jared’s family to our ward.  The smell was so strong that we were excused after the sacrament.  It was really strong.  I left with watering eyes, a tingling tongue, and a headache. 

The next event for the weekend was lunch with the whole Hughes/Gray clan.  There were 15 adults and 7 kids in attendance. We had café rio and then spent the evening playing games and just having fun together. Family sure is great.

Loosing teeth, Zoo, Grams & Easter

 

One evening while brushing Jaron's teeth I realized that he had two permanent teeth coming up behind his baby teeth.  The next day I called the dentist and they fit us in.  They had to extract the two baby teeth. Jaron was such an awesome kid. The numbing feeling of his mouth worried him a little but he didn't cry or panic like I expected.

We are so glad we have a zoo pass again.  We went to the zoo on the 13th of March and had a blast. It was the perfect zoo weather. The boys were so excited to see the polar bear.  We were able to see the seals training, the bears playing, and the otters swimming right up close to the glass.

Then it was off to Gram's for a visit while Mom and Dad had a few days alone. Erick got some really good pictures while they were there.

A word or two about Landon.  At the beginning of March Landon completed his masterpiece with Sharpie marker on his grandparents wall.  He was so proud of his accomplishment.  Sharpie is hard to get off, so there are a few spots where the paint is a little thin.  Maybe my parents will think twice next time before letting 4 small children occupy their home. We have since located all the markers and put them on lock down.

 For St. Patrick's Day I made green eggs and ham with green milk.  any chance to color their food I take, the boys just love it!
 

Happy Easter all!!  I really love to host events and so offered to host Easter with Don's family.  We celebrated Gram and Cathy's birthdays too.  This was the only Easter egg hunt the boys did this year and I didn't feel one bit bad about that fact.  I think holiday's are getting blow up way too much with gifts and candy. As I walked through the store the day before Easter and saw all the people I just thought, this is way out of control! So as long as the kids don't mind then we keep things simple.
On Easter our family also started a fun adventure.  The Eater bunny brought baby chicks.  We have 6 total. The Golden Sex Links are named Riley (Jaron's) & Kaylee (Bryson's).  The Black Autra Lorps are named Tiny (Eldon's) and Gina (Don's).  The White Leghorns are named Shinny (Landon's) and Sally (Mine).  It has been fun to watch them grow the past few weeks.  Bryson's responsibility is to take care of the pets around the house.  I help him a lot but he takes his responsibility very seriously.