Married for Better, Not Worse

Married for Better, Not Worse: The Fourteen Secrets to a Happy Marriage by Gary & Joy Lundberg

"Nearly every couple has some degree of difficulty in their marriage and most believe they are stuck with it. In too many marriages there is a spouse who has at some time thought "Wouldn't it be wonderful if he/she only..." In Married for Better, Not Worse, Gary and Joy Lundberg's husband-and-wife perspective addresses the different needs of men and women in sensitive, realistic, easy-to-understand advice that they are uniquely able to offer. In addition to having been married-and having raised five children-for more than forty-five years, the Lundbergs are the authors of the inspiring bestseller I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better, praised as "a magnificent book" by the authors of Chicken Soup for the Soul.
"Married for Better, Not Worse brims with fresh ideas, astute tips, and examples drawn from real-life couples' stories-including the Lundbergs' own. Their fourteen secrets cover everything from finances and parenting to communication and sex, from being each other's best friend to preserving a sense of humor and the surprising power of courtesy. Married for Better, Not Worse is the perfect prescription for healing hurts, enhancing communication, and achieving mutual emotional satisfaction. "

So this book is amazing!! It was a gift when we got married and I haven't read it until now. It is wonderful if you are struggling in your marriage or just looking to make it better. The one thing I learned from this is that surprise, surprise I am not perfect and changing me changes everything. The only person you can change is yourself. Working together with love and you got it R-E-S-P-E-C-T really works. Here are the secrets. I loved so many of then if you want to talk more with me about what I loved, or borrow the book, don't hesitate to call or e-mail.
1 - Return to the Beginning
2 - Keep Your Mate at the Top of Your List
3 - Be Each Other's Very Best Friend
4 - Focus on the Positive
5 - Appreciate the Differences
6 - Have a Sense of Humor!
7 - Enjoy Sexual Intimacy - Both of You
8 - Talk to Each Other
9 - Be Your Mate's Favorite Cheerleader
10 - Set Your Boundaries
11 - Raise Your Kids Together
12 - Manage Your Money in Harmony
13 - Nourish the Spiritual Side of Your Marriage
14 - Hold On Through the Hard Times

A Heart Like His

A Heart Like His by Virginia H. Pearce

"The ability to feel God's love doesn't just make life nicer or more comfortable-it changes everything. When filled with God's love, we can do and see and understand things that we cannot do and see and understand on our own. As our own hearts are softened by these blessings, our overriding desire becomes to help others experience this joy also. But how do we do that in the normal course of our everyday lives? Presented in the form of an experiment undertaken by eight friends, this step-by-step guide helps us discover the one change we can make within ourselves that will automatically increase our ability to feel the love of God and to extend that love to others."

After reading this I find myself recognizing my closed heart moments so much more. When we recognize them we can change them. It really makes a difference you should try it!

A Thousand Splendid Suns

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

"A Thousand Splendid Suns is a breathtaking story set against the volatile events of Afghanistan's last thirty years -- from the Soviet invasion to the reign of the Taliban to post-Taliban rebuilding -- that puts the violence, fear, hope and faith of this country in intimate, human terms. It is a tale of two generations of characters brought jarringly together by the tragic sweep of war, where personal lives -- the struggle to survive, raise a family, find happiness -- are inextricable from the history playing out around them.Propelled by the same storytelling instinct that made The Kite Runner a beloved classic, A Thousand Splendid Suns is at once a remarkable chronicle of three decades of Afghan history and a deeply moving account of family and friendship. It is a striking, heartwrenching novel of an unforgiving time, an unlikely friendship, and an indestructible love -- a stunning accomplishment."

After reading this very quickly so I wouldn't be sad for more than a day or two, I am beyond grateful to live in America. Words just don't say it, I am grateful to be able to be my own person and not have fear of expressing myself. Also if you ever are starting to pity the life that you have, or think your lot in life is too hard, maybe you should read this book. We have it sooooo easy. There were many bad things that happened to the women that were described. So I give caution to those of you who are tender at heart and sensitive to things, as I am. I do not think I will venture in reading The Kite Runner for a while just for this reason.

Buddha Wept

Buddha Wept by Rocco Lo Bosco

"Most literature devoted to the Cambodian holocaust argues that no real recovery is possible for survivors. Though this is certainly true for many, Rocco Lo Bosco's close friendship with a Cambodian survivor, coupled with his own beliefs and the teachings of Gurani Anjali, motivated him to create a strong and passionate counter-statement through Buddah Wept."

The Cambodian holocaust is one of the tragic things that happened in history. Even though it is tragic and very sad I find myself searching for answers and information on the subject. I guess more than anything I seek for understanding.
This book was not too graphic as I was worried it would be. It also ended on a positive note, very surprising considering the event at hand. Bosco is not the best at writing novels, he is a poet by trade, and that shows in the book. But still it was good in my opinion.
Her closing statement, the woman that survived the holocaust, was very powerful to me and has truth to it. I will share my favorite part although there were many good parts:
"Don't think the power of you is far away. It lies waiting just beyond your next thought, your next breath, your next heartbeat. It lies waiting silently in the the silence you cover up with the noise of your days and the dreaming of your nights. When you realize this power your heart becomes gentle. You express knowledge of it as non-violence.
"The greatest expression of knowledge is non-violence. The knower does not wish to harm any living thing in thought, word, or deed. Not because one is afraid to hurt. Not because one was told not to hurt. Not because it is the right thing to do. But because one knows that it is impossible to hurt another without harming one's relationship with one's own life."

My Take on Death

I just love our R.S. lessons. The teachers are so great and I am alone for that one hour, that in and of itself is priceless. The lesson was on death this week. I just have to write down what Julianne Kress said before I forget. She related death to leaving a child in nursery. It isn't a bad thing to leave them there, but when you leave them there they do not understand why/where you are going & they know you will come back, but still don't see why they can't come. They are afraid or sad because they don't understand. Death is the same way.
I must say that the greatest fear for me is not death, but what I would leave behind if I did leave. Would my boys (all three of them) be able to get along without me, would my two younger ones be raised right? I also fear the change that death could bring by taking someone I hold dear. Sometimes it is good to share insecurities and this is one of mine.
I also find it very interesting in the books I haven been reading that people of other religions also want to (or do) believe in life after death. We want to know we will see our loved ones again, in fact we want to believe they never really leave us. I think this is also true. When someone is no longer there in body, their spirit remains with us. Not all the time, but when it counts they are there.
I never met my mother's father, he passed when she was just 17, but I can tell you I know him. I have felt his comfort in years past. Sometimes his presence was so strong I could have sworn he was actually there. How do I know it was him? I just know.
Our wedding, Don's grandma Hughes was there although her body was not. But we both knew she was there sharing in that special moment.
Judy, my father's first wife passed on before I was born, but I know she remains with our family. We see her every now and again, and feel her presence. I hope T-man doesn't mind me sharing, that she was there at his wedding. We were all there one celestial family!
I do understand that I will see my loved ones again, in fact I know it, and that gives me great hope, joy, and faith in the Lords plan. So Grandpa Barlow, Grandpa Fredericks, Grandma Hughes, Grandma Cox, Grandpa Leedy, Judy, and our dear little Joshua, 'till we meet again, because I know we will.

Memories

I thought that this one would be fun to look back on memories.
Here are the rules:
1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you.

Hughes Reunion

The Hughes Family Reunion has been going on for around 30 years I think. Don's dad has 11 brothers and sisters. They have children and their children have children. So the family is really big! They own property up on Ceder City mountain. Each family has their own little area where they camp every year. Grandpa Hughes (Don's Grandpa) made a tire swing that all the kids love. Jaron feel asleep in it the first night.They have a lot of fun traditions such as . . .the goody grab box, the horse shoe tournament, and the sucker hunt.
This year it was really fun again, well until about 3 p.m on Saturday. There was a carnival for the kids, which was done in years past. Paint balling is also another tradition. I thought I would try my hand out at it this year, I had a really good time. I was new to the strategy and things, but there were a range of skill levels there so it was not a big deal that I was a learner. I had a little spill and riped my pants and cut my knee, nothing too serious. I was able to laugh it off because it was really funny. I didn't last long after my sneaky move and Aaron got his revenge from the game before by shooting me in the top of the head. I shot him in the side of the head the game before, so he was out to get me a little.
I also really enjoyed the slide show of Grandma and Grandpa Hughes growing up and all the kids growing up as well. The older kids told stories about how things were growing up since the younger ones don't remember much about life with the older kids around.
It was really fun to learn about the family history too. They told the stories of the first Washburns (Grandma Hughes' side) that were converted to the gospel; as well as the first Hughes.
So Saturday around 3 p.m. the skies opened up and marble size hail, and rain came pouring down. It was accompanied with thunder and lightning. This happened while most of our family was paint balling again. Lynnette was on a walk, so just Dave, Don, Me, Jaron, Bryson, Melynda, and Jessica (a cousins little girl) were left at our family camp. Jaron was frightened by the lightning that was extremely close! Bryson once again just watched in amazement. It lasted for a while and Jaron feel asleep to the sound of the rain. When we realized that it would be miserable to stay even if it did stop raining we decided to pack up. It was a mess but we managed and were out of there by around 5.





We ate at Aaron's apartment in Cedar City and then headed home. About 30 min. from Beaver our tire blew! Jared, Dani, & Lynnette were traveling together just behind us and stopped. They helped us change the tire and then we went on to Beaver at a speedy 50 miles an hour. There is a service station just off the first exit that is connected to a gas station that remains open until 11. Dani helped us find a place to go by calling her dad. We were really lucky to have some place open at 9p.m. that would change all four tires. The other tires were wore and another was due to blow any minute. It was really funny because the tire didn't blow really, the tread just came off. They were old tires not worn down as much as they could be, but old.
So we all survived and had a grand time, except the few hang-ups which really could have been worse.

4th

The 4th is always great fun for us. We start the day with the parade in Centerville.



After which we move on to Aunt Melody's (my dad's sister) were my dad's brothers come with their kids. The video is of my uncle Shane telling an experience he had written in his journal about my dad.

Jaron & Logan

There are always games for the kids!

Eating the famous popsicles. He must have ate around 10 during the day.

Jaron "gitting" me!

Then we do fireworks somewhere. This year we stayed with Melody's kids and went to Davis High. The loud noise got to Jaron a little, but Bryson was wide eyed in amazement.




It is a great time to be with family, it is something that dates back to before I can remember. The first 4th celebration I really remember was one where we went camping, not sure where exactly (help me out with this one family) and we made decorative fireworks out of wooden thread spindles. I remember odd things about it such as Craig telling me that every time he saw rays beaming through the clouds he thought of someone being taken up to heaven.

I can't resist taking a picture of a good sunset!

Wisdom, Order, Love & Health

Our lesson today in Relief Society was great. Shannon did a wonderful job and I feel blessed to have her in my life. She has been my VTer for some time now and she is one of the best people I know. This ward has so many wonderful examples and it is great to be able to feed off of each others testimonies. Anyway, she talked about not running faster than our feet can carry us. Surprisingly this is something I am always thinking about. As many of you know my health is not that wonderful, but I have learned something over the years that has been extremely valuable, if I listen to my body and what it is saying I can often prevent illness. The VTing message this month is about the human body, while VTing we talked about how wonderful the body is, it can do so many things such as repair itself, reproduce, fight disease . . . But also our mind is amazing and has remarkable power to influence our body. I know this to be true. I can only be running around so long before my body says "STOP!" Realizing this has been invaluable to keeping up on my health and I am proud to say I do not take medication nearly as much as I used to.
These thoughts I have been having all week about my health and other things were just added upon today in R.S. when we talked about wisdom & order. We only have so much time to do things, so it is important that our priorities are in tact. My priorities are (and please hold me to them): 1) to seek for the kingdom of God, 2) myself, 3) Don, 4) my children, 5) other family members & friends; from here it gets tricky I haven't figured it out from here because I often don't have the time to go beyond here.
I wanted to comment on a few of these, I know 2 seems a little selfish right, once you think about it though not really. Shannon gave the analogy of a bank account. You only have so much money (time or energy) and you wouldn't keep spending the money once it is gone now would you? I have to consider that I can't give to others if I am so tired, worn down, or without the spirit. Also another thought on this. We all have the same amount of time, and it is our choice what we do with it. I do have time to read my scripture, pray, have FHE, family time, take care of myself; but is something else more important that it takes presidency to it?
I wanted also to say a bit about 3. I often find myself putting Don on the back burner of my life, when in fact he is the one person in this life that matters the most. The relationship I establish with him has the potential to last for eternity. We will make worlds together be exalted together. I have come to realize this more and more over the past months and feel such a deep devotion to him and our love. As I have been focusing on him our relationship has been so much better, we have had very few arguments and our love is growing. It is wonderful!
The last thought I have been having about priorities is this. That priorities are not like juggling balls all in the air at the same time, they are more like spinning plates. Sometimes one needs more spinning than other and it is constantly changing which one needs the spinning. Also that personal revelation is key. If I seek for the Lords direction and guidance he will give it to me. Prayer is so important to keeping that connecting with our Father that we so desperately need.

Since about January I have been thinking a lot about love. As I have been working on being a better person I have felt that love is the answer. If I open my heart and let it be filled with the love of Christ I can spread that to those around me. Really try it out, what is the answer to being a better wife? Love. What is the answer to being a better mother? Love. What is the answer to dealing with that one person you just can't stand? Love. What is the answer to dealing with that wayward family member? Love. And I rest my case that as pure love fills the heart you are able to serve those around you so much better and with greater effect.

So there is what my heart has been filled with for the past little while. I hope it has helped someone else too.